Redefining Love and Partnership

My feminist journey began as a quiet discomfort I couldn’t ignore. I was 20, in an arranged marriage, newly married, living in India. Back then, I had no exposure to feminist thinking in any form: books, movies, short stories, role models. Not even that one unmarried aunt who refused to follow patriarchal rules. I had not even heard of the term ‘feminism’ (it was the pre-internet era!). But I started noticing the many double standards in my marriage: My husband had freedoms that I didn’t. He could travel on work without anyone’s permission, but I needed his permission. I had to live with his parents, but he didn't have to live with mine. I was expected to cook; he wasn’t. The clothes I wore had to be acceptable to him, but not the other way round. His career was considered more important than mine. He made big decisions like where we lived and whether we should have kids. I made small decisions. And there were consent-related issues (which I will not get into here). 

 

As the years passed, the initial discomfort in the marriage grew to became unhappiness and then anger. It would take me three years to become aware of the full extent of the power inequality in my marriage (based on nothing but our respective genders) and to find the courage to leave my husband. Given that I belonged to middle-class India where marriage, especially an arranged one, was sanctified, and divorce was severly stigmatised, my decision to leave a (non-wife-beating man) was seen as an act of war against not just my husband, but my parents, my in-laws and my relatives. I didn’t have a single friend who supported my decision, as they were all from the same culture and saw divorce as justified only in extenuating circumstances, and mine did not meet those. The costs of leaving my unhappy marriage was very high. My parents disowned me (reconciled later), my in-laws were mad at me. My husband was confused and upset. I had brought shame and disgrace to his family and mine. But I finally got my freedom. I was free to live my life on my own terms. Leaving that marriage remains the most courageous thing I have done (and likely will do) in my life. 

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Over the next few years, while I worked as a journalist, saw more of the world around me, crossed paths with feminist women and men, and read some feminist short stories, I realized that the struggles I faced in my personal life had less to do with specific individuals and more to do with patriarchal structures and norms. My husband, his parents, and my parents were just following patriarchal norms, like millions of families in my country. 

 

Interestingly, it was my oppressive arranged marriage that was the most influential factor in shaping my career thereafter. I left India (more liberation!) to pursue a master’s in Gender Studies at the London School of Economics and then stayed in academia. I pursued a master’s and PhD in Sociology with a specialization in gender. All of my academic research and much of my teaching focuses on gender inequality. I am passionate about sharing feminist insights, especially with populations that need it the most. During summer breaks, I volunteer in women’s studies departments in rural India, so that young women and men who live in some of the most patriarchal cultures can be exposed to feminist ideas and gender egalitarian values, something I didn't have while I was their age.  

 

My feminist journey is still unfolding. It’s in the small, daily choices: setting boundaries, questioning old beliefs, naming my needs, honoring my desires, raising a feminist son, and giving myself permission to want more—from love, from partnership, from life. It’s in how I show up in my relationships—with more honesty, compassion, and equity. 

 

Today, this journey is at the heart of my coaching. I support others in unlearning the stories that keep them small, so they can build relationships and lives rooted in mutual respect, shared power, and radical self-trust. Drawing from my personal experiences and my work as a sociologist, I apply a critical lens to the domestic sphere. I intentionally focus on the domestic sphere rather than workplaces, because I believe gender division of domestic labor is the linchpin in a broader system of gender inequality including the public sphere. I guide women through the complexities of partnership, parenting, and home life by dismantling patriarchal defaults. Together, we build equitable family dynamics and deep personal freedom for every stage of life.